Visions of Pemberly Dance in my Head

I am sorry, I really cannot help it. By "it" of course I mean the terrible Christmas-Jane Austen mix of a joke. But I simply couldn't help it! No, really I couldn't.
 After attending a Christmas party with the ladies at church on Miss Austen's birthday, who could resist such a temptation? If you find that you truly could have, please enlighten me on how you can. I should dearly like to use your method another time.
Anyway, I am going to write a little birthday card/letter for the contest, here.

 Dear Friend,
  Birthday greetings from everyone at Mansfield Park. I hope this letter finds you well and as happy as you have made me. I cannot but say that I had never expected things to end the way that they did, but now I prefer Miss Price above any other lady in the world, especially Miss Mary Crawford, and I thank you for your kindness in giving me what I do not deserve.
   Fanny is the dearest girl, I hope you will excuse me, but it must be said. Even you, who wrote her into existence cannot compare to my dearest Fanny. Oh! that you had made her with some fault that I might deserve her better! But it is of no matter. As a great authoress once said "Nobody minds having what is too good for them." Truly, her entire being is entirely agreeable.
  I thank you again for the happiness you have given us and now have only to say that I wish the best for you in your life.
 Humbly yours,
Edmund Bertram


There! Good night all!
        Steph